“I’ll never desert you” – The Cactus
If you know me personally, or you are ardent reader of my writing, then you know I love the environment and consider myself a conservationist. Well, if you didn’t, now you know. In my quest for bettering nature and wanting to be always surrounded by it, then it should be no surprise that I am trying to build a plant collection in my home. I want to have all these types of indoor plants in every single room. I think plants are beautiful and calming. And I need beauty and calmness in my life. BTW, I usually feel like a pro whenever I begin a sentence with “and.” So this is a huge boost considering I feel like an imposter as I write this. No, not with writing but with matters environment and conservation.
It’s so bad that I am just thinking with lots of spite “you keep saying the environment and conservation, how much have you done? Cactus Killer! Who on earth manages to kill a cactus??”
I killed a cactus. I am now propagating others from the shoots I had acquired from the mother plant before she died. I got seven shoots from the mother and only three are doing well. The other four died. I swear I am the worst. And to think I wanted to be a medical doctor, ha! (Oh! there it is again 😉 at least one thing is going for me). My cactus was a beautiful cactus that had no will to live. Because cactus don’t just die. These weirdos thrive in the harshest conditions on earth for crying out loud. This one just chose that it didn’t want to stick around my mess.
I wish it was just the one cactus and its equally unwilling progeny that died. Then we could come to the conclusion that I am not to blame whatsoever. Next to the headstones of the cactus family lies the majestic and handsome rubber plant. I loved this one. He was a cutie, and he didn’t hide it one bit. He wore his good looks with excessive ego yet somehow masked it with his deep, calm, and raspy voice. He attracted both men and women which was no surprise because he knew how to bestow love, attention, and tranquility to everyone who looked in his direction. He passed on before his time and before I could get dowry since we chose to take on the Indian culture with regard to him. There was no way we would be the total package and still be the ones paying dowry for a partner. No way. Gone too soon.
I have a couple of succulents, Aeonium arboretum, that I am struggling with. They’re elegant creatures these ones when they’re healthy. They must survive and do well. I’m not sure I can endure the blow if they die. They have grown tall and skinny, yet they should be stout and compact. All the stuff I have read says they need sun. So, I have been taking them out and basking. I talk to them. I tell them all the sweet things I can think of and just how much they mean to me. I hope they believe me and hang on because I am usually naked honest as I tell them just how much I love and care for them. I have also been doing the same with the money plant. Some of her leaves have been turning yellow. Is there a clinic for plants?
They say when it rains it pours. Just before these babies got to this terrible state, the devil had invited himself to my place in the form of imposter syndrome. So, I had been grappling with doubts of whether I was really good enough and passionate to be a conservation scientist and researcher. I kept wondering whether I really had what it takes to be good at my thing and whether I can produce results that are truly capable of saving nature. Because if we save nature, then we have saved the world. I’m serious.
So, amid all these doubts, the devil used a sly mocking voice to bring my attention to the money plant. “First, save that before you can save the world” and he rolled his eyes. I felt terrible, a broken heart is better than a crushed heart. And my heart was crushed. Despite the cold-hearted delivery, there was some truth to that. Consequently, I have been extra mindful of my plant babies. I have been intentional in giving them some TLC. I’m frequently on Pinterest and google learning all I can to ensure they recover and do well. I am slowly crawling out of my doubts and shaking it off. It helps that I saw the money plant grow a new leaf a couple of days ago. The succulents are also doing well. It’s a different kind of pain when a hardy plant caves in. It feels as if you’re losing soul. Keep me in your thoughts. We just might be able to save the world after all.